stillness in movement or is it movement in stillness? no matter

thoughts: aside from the same revolving, limbic thoughts and sadnesses i've had recently, there is this one thought i like- "he has these nice dark eyes with long eyelashes. i think they're long. and i like running up to the door and knocking when he's closing up at night. his smiles give me a little energy throughout the day, when i do see him. and he has these familiar eyes, that are intent, gentle and patient at the same time. i really like those kinds of eyes. eyes that light up and are delighted. the best is when those eyes are happy. because when they're happy they glaze and dance around."

at the end of these days, i'm really glad i never try to own anyone's soul. it is much nicer and true to keep relationships and spaces unstructured. it feels like...the only structure that is real is time. time and will-power and courage really do prove everything, don't they?





There is something really beautiful in disappointment. and human. Being human and trying to be good is a really beautiful, innocent thing, no matter how ugly it looks or seems. and our secret insecurities are not things to be scorned at. i think they are our most undeniable, important truths.
i am really happy i decided to let go of a lot of responsibilities and structures. i am really grateful to return to nothingness and this life, these beating hearts are such amazingly beautiful things!

oh, it is okay for my heart to be mishandled and tossed around, it is okay to get so terribly hurt, it is okay to cry oceans and it is okay to fail. there is always another chance to try again and the next time is going to be even more painful and wonderful! :) yeah? i think so, i know so.

but most of all, i know a life with fear is no life to live!
and, time really does prove everything!