I haven't been to Bushwick since I moved out almost a year ago. Last month, I agreed to go to a film shoot and lo and behold I met the same student director whose film I was an extra in 4+ years ago. I wore a purple dress that day and it was my first time acting. I remember, I was so scared that day, in that french restaurant and I really really loved that boy I was doing a favor for, who I wore that dress for.
so yeah, I met that same director again last month, in Bushwick, by accident. or maybe it wasn't by accident. I don't know. but I acted in her film again about the world ending around a man and a woman. something cheesy like that. and this girl said she would give me both films. the one from 4 years ago and this one. but i think i'll never get them because she left the country again, or something like that.
either way, it was really... i don't know the word for this feeling. what is the feeling for being back in a neighborhood you lived in but never cared to get to formally know? why get to know something that flows through your body, anyway? i never cared to learn bushwick. but i know it really well. i can't describe how well i know it and this inability to express myself is suffocating and liberating at the same time. some things can not be said, i guess- no matter how hard you try to explain it.
