thoughts in one worders- like "gold" for one day. In two or three days, it'll be "manganese" and yesterday it was "red". This morning as I was walking to work- a daily habit that I am trying to end "End, end, end already! ... but I can not leave Judy yet, not until she allows me to. Putting my life on pause until she can go on vacation. Does she know I am putting my life on pause? No? I don't know if she knows. It's not something she needs to know? Yeah, of course not. I don't think people know... how restless my blood flows. and that when I am quite still and around... I don't know...maybe that statement isn't true... Green. Shades of green. but not a sap green. a brilliant green, with a little bit of manganese blue and a little bit of yellow. and then a layer of white over the yellow fleck." With that train of thought, I "green" my whole day.
Marble tiles for mixing
Dropper for measuring turp and oil solutions
Small glass jars for preserving
Roll the tubes up as they are used
Flexible knives for texture
Silk patterned squares for wiping
One layer this week
And wait one week for another layer
Layer on top of layer
Week after week
Developing depth with colors. thin thick. That and meditating on failure. Neutralizing notions of failure in my head. What does failure taste like? What does failure smell like? What is the foundation color of failure? Red. Or maybe Gold.
And a line...
here.
darker here, white here,
update: she knows