Sunday, May 29, 2005


//bob marley- be happy, dont worry
//currently: babysitting 4 yr old Hannah educating her on the essentials on reggae and ch-ch-ch-chillin
abandonment issues.
there's this desperate desire to start over. and the only solution i can come up with to begin a new slate is if i finish off this old one. resulting in ridiculously lengthy to-do lists, endless trips to historical libraries, blockbusters, record stores, searches and searches for something i have yet to discover that can help me conclude.
but i dont know what exactly i want to conclude. so here i am spending money left, right and up on trips. physical and mental. though especially lacking in spiritual. as if continuous drug, subway, financial trips will take me where i want to go.
it ascends my knowledge how and the certainty is certainly doubtful.
but there's this chance it will.
so i take this internship that is nowhere towards my goal, stay up watching these movies till the sun's salutations (conveniently ringing up $45 of late fees), finally claim financial and hopefully emotional independence casually over dinner, drag friends to museums with mysterious itineries (take the F or the N to the 2 or 3?), go to these stores (splurgin on Keith Haring articles while being designated to Stackhouse to obssess over Basquiat articles), go to these music shows (as in forcing friends to shell $40 to see bands they've never heard of nor like, Dinosaur who?), enthuse in house parties with porn as central entertainment (big screen!), pierce this and these (cheap adrenaline rush?), take this and that, and involve myself in activities that participate in none or any matters of the heart.
to reach something anything that will be nothing but.

i miss new zealand. and bad-ass girlfriends.
i ran on the hills that lotr was shot on. they are obssessed down under.